


Christmas Tracks

by DeansDirtyDeeds



Category: Dean Ambrose - Fandom, Professional Wrestling, Seth Rollins - Fandom, World Wrestling Entertainment
Genre: Alternate Universe - Dark, Christmas Eve, Christmas Tracks, Dean too, M/M, Reclaim, Redesign, Seth shrieks like a girl, Suicide Attempt, rebuild
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-12-20
Updated: 2016-12-24
Packaged: 2018-05-08 00:14:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,858
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5475833
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DeansDirtyDeeds/pseuds/DeansDirtyDeeds
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Seth has a hard time and he thinks there is only one way to escape the misery he calls a life.<br/>On Christmas night he makes a decision to face his very own version of “Christmas Tracks“but someone just has to mess up his tunes…<br/><br/><b>2016:</b> Dean and Seth are back for their first Christmas together but a ghost fromt he past threatens to destroy everything!<br/>AU / Trigger warning: Suicide</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Christmas Tracks

**Author's Note:**

> About this story:  
> Seth has a hard time and he thinks there is only one way to escape the misery he calls a life.  
> On Christmas night he makes a decision to face his very own version of “Christmas Tracks“but someone just has to mess up his tunes…  
> AU / Trigger warning: Suicide
> 
> Disclaimer:  
> I do not own any of the WWE characters, they are owned by WWE.
> 
> Rating:  
> Rated T
> 
> Warnings:  
> Trigger warning for mention of suicide.

**Christmas Tracks**

 

1.23 am. Seth’s eyes registered the little red clock on his dash board as he turned his gaze over to the glove box to search for his flash light. Once he found it he stepped out of the car and winced immediately as his feet hit the hard ground.

It was cold outside, it definitely smelled like snow. Maybe by morning the world would be covered under a white blanket. He didn’t really care if there was snow in the morning, what he cared about was the cold, wet air that made his knee act up again.

Damn knee had cost him his sports career years ago. For a while he had clung to the mantra of **_redesign, rebuild, reclaim_** but in the end they had proven just to be empty words and he had to kiss his career goodbye. One stupid misstep had cost him not only his life in the limelight but after being just a cripple his girlfriend had left him, his friends had turned their backs and the company that once had promised him fame and fortune fired him after two more years, telling him they simply had no job for him. What they didn’t say was: a job for a cripple.

Now he worked in a fitness studio and watched each day from the sidelines the people training hard to perfect their bodies. It still stung deeply. And tonight at the Christmas dinner with his parents his mother had bothered him yet again why he was still single. She had pointed to his brother and his wife and told him she expected more grandchildren.

No one saw how miserable he was tonight. They were all over the moon when his brother’s wife announced that the third baby was on its way. After that no one paid him any mind.

Well, he straightened up. It was fine. He was here now.

He locked his car, grinning about the action and shaking his head as he switched on the flashlight and made his way up the embankment.

His knee protested but he ignored it and after some struggle he was on the top, the tracks right in front of him. Man, it was pitch black up here. He was glad he brought the flashlight. Had to pick a good spot…

“Hey! Don’t you dare laying down there! The 1.43 am to Chicago is mine!”

Seth shrieked like a girl and after the flashlight danced a while in his shaking hands the light found the man the voice belonged to.

A good ten feet away lay a guy right across the tracks and he looked angrily at him. A beanie covered his head and a thick jacket hid his body from the cold.

“What… I mean…why are you here?”

Seth knew he sounded stupid. Wasn’t it obvious why the guy was here? For the very same reason he was. To ruin some peoples’ Christmas plans. Oh yeah, and to kill himself.

“Duh. I guess we are here for the same reason _pretty boy_.”

Seth was glad that it was dark because he was sure he blushed. It had been a long time someone had called him pretty. Not after the thing with his knee happened. People seemed to only see his limp nowadays. It didn’t matter that the usual endearment sounded more like a snarl out of the guy’s mouth.

Seth shook his head trying to set it straight again. He wasn’t here to flirt.

“Then we can share, I mean the tracks go on for miles. Plenty of room.”

Stubbornly Seth sat down and kept wriggling to find a good position, copying the way the guy lay across the tracks.

“Hey! No, no. I told you the 1.43 is mine. Go take another train!”

The guy was getting up now and walked up to Seth which made him sit up again as well. To do what? Defend himself? Because the guy looked about to kill him? Or to defend his precious spot? And why was this loon so hell bent that the next train was his?

“What does it even matter which train it is that offs you?” Seth asked annoyed as the guy towered over him. Damn he was bigger than he had looked on the ground.

“Of course it matters. You have to prepare for this day. It has to be perfect.” The guy dropped down beside Seth. Seth shone the light of the flashlight over his face.

Some days’ worth of scruff covered his face which looked really ordinary. But when the light hit his eyes they looked like Sapphires. Gleaming like those lights on the Christmas trees. _Beautiful_ was all Seth thought.

But instead of mooning over the guy Seth lowered his flashlight and chuckled.

“What are you? A micro managing suicidal asshole?”

“Pfft. I am a suicide expert.”

The guy sat up even straighter and puffed out his chest, sounding damn proud of himself.

“No one can be a suicide expert. As far as I know you can only do it once.”

The guy hit his arm, not hard just to bring a point across.

“Right. That’s why it has to be _perfect_. And I planned for this day weeks ahead. That’s why the 1.43 am is mine. What were you going to do? Just lie down here and wait? What if the next train would come in a few hours? You would have frozen your ass off!”

Seth thought about that for a second scratching his own full beard.

“Why does it matter? I am going to end up dead, aren’t I? So I can freeze a little.”

He could practically see the guy roll his eyes even if it was too dark to really tell.

“Yeah, well I hate the cold. Now get up and go home. It will snow soon and the roads will be a disaster. This train is mine.”

The guy started shoving at Seth but he was determined to hold his ground and soon enough a scramble started between the two men. It ended when the stranger pulled at Seth’s hair and he yelped.

“What are you, a girl? What’s with those sounds you make all the time?” The guy let go.

“No, you are a girl yourself for pulling at my hair.”

Not the greatest comeback and Seth crossed his arms over his chest and pouted.

The guy chuckled and it was deep and rumbling. It seemed like he gave up scaring Seth away because the next words out of his mouth sounded a little friendlier.

“I am Dean by the way. If we die here together we should at least exchange names.”

“Seth. Nice to meet you…I mean…”

“Yeah, circumstances aren’t perfect.”

A casual shoulder shrug from Dean.

“So what brings you here tonight?”

Was Dean really trying to make small talk? Well it seemed to help because Seth was a little less nervous and he kind of welcomed the distraction until the inevitable would happen.

“Had a couple of rough years. Busted my knee a couple of years back. Lost my job, my girlfriend…she was a scam anyways, I am into guys….”

Seth wanted to slap himself. Why did he mention it to Dean? Well, now it was out and maybe if he continued talking it would get lost in the context anyways.

“Well. I lost everything. Had a good thing going in a sports career…and now I work at a fitness studio and see all those people do what I loved to do. Stay in shape, get fit. I can’t have that anymore because of my stupid knee. My parents keep nagging about a wife and grandchildren but nothing like that is on the horizon for me. No friends left. I thought about turning to the bottle a couple of times but it would just prolong this misery. Well, that’s my sad story. What’s yours?”

Dean rubbed his chin and Seth could hear how the skin of his hand rubbed over his scruff. What an erotic sound!

**Stop!**

“I had an affair with a married man. Love of my life. Beautiful son of a bitch. Samoan. But with grey eyes. Hair like a raven. Long. Really really pretty. He told me time and time again he would leave his wife and daughter. I mean that would have made me feel bad…but the guy… he was my soulmate or so I thought. Well, he dumped me and now I am here.”

Dean sounded very matter-of-factly about this all. Like he had really thought this over was done with it and this was his way out.

“Well, three minutes. We should lie down now.”

Dean put his body over the tracks first. His neck lay on one side right across the steel.

Seth copied him and moved closer. Hopefully Dean wouldn’t notice. Well and if he did…what did it matter? They would be dead in three minutes.

Soon enough they lay side by side, their bodies almost brushing against each other.

“You’re sure?” Dean asked and looked over.

“Yup.” Seth answered and he saw lights appear in the distance.

“Shh pretty boy. Eyes on me.” Seth lowered his gaze back to Dean and felt that Dean grabbed his hand and held it.

The grip tightened the closer the train came.

Seth’s eyes had adjusted to the darkness enough that he could make out Dean’s face in the dark. He looked relaxed and calm. Seth was scared. His heart hammered in his chest. And gosh it was cold and his knee protested about the strange angle his body was in. It hurt so bad. But it would be over in a minute. The train came closer fast.

Half a mile.

Seth tried his hardest not to look at the lights. Dean didn’t. His gaze was on Seth.

200 yards. Now. Any second now.

Seth didn’t know what happened but in one second he was waiting for his life to end and in the next his body hit the frozen ground next to the tracks and Dean’s body covered him as the train rushed by, sounding it’s horn.

Seth felt Dean giggle on top of him.

“Oh my God. You were really going to do it.” Dean only sobered up as Seth hit his chest.

“Of course I was going to do it. Weren’t you as well?”

Suddenly Seth felt sick. Sick and stupid.

“Hell no. Fuck that was close. Didn’t count in your limp.” Dean breathed heavy and with every inhale his chest touched Seth’s.

“What the hell are you talking about? Get off of me you stupid jerk! You are just sick. Crazy asshole. Fucking lunatic.”

Dean let Seth push him to the side and he started to chuckle again.

“You said you are a suicide expert.” Seth was furious.

“I am. I am Seth.” Dean’s calm voice made Seth stop and he crossed his arms over his chest and looked at Dean expectantly.

“I am a suicide expert of a kind. I volunteer at Lifeline, a suicide prevention organization. Once I was you. My story…the guy….that really happened. Five years ago. Someone saved my ass that night I wanted to jump from a bridge. I got my act together and help them ever since. I am just not good at all that talking, or on the phone. So on the holidays and on weekends I wander around the tracks. Many people killed themselves on this stretch of the tracks over the years. You are the first I found here though. Maybe I didn’t handle it perfectly. But I don’t regret it. Me picking this spot here…you picking it…” Dean shrugged. His voice had become really tiny with his last words.

Could Dean have felt the same pull he had felt?

Seth inched closer.

“What are you saying?”

“Dunno. It’s Christmas right? Magically things happen? You are gay or bi or whatever and alone. I am gay and alone for a long time. Thought I felt something worth discovering before you really decide to bite the bullet.”

Seth startled Dean when he launched himself at him. This time Dean yelped like a girl but Seth didn’t care. His lips pressed to Dean’s and he ignored the sharp pain in his knee.

Dean tasted like mints and….life. Yes, he tasted like life. Oh gosh, that had been close. So close.

They came only up for air when snowflakes started to cover them.

“Told you it would snow.” Dean grinned.

“I have my car with me. 4 x 4 SUV. Now I am glad I locked that stupid thing. I had no idea why I did it. Now…now I kinda do.” Seth said shyly.

“Is that so? Why would that be?”

“To take you home. Make me feel alive Dean.”

“I can do that Seth. Merry Christmas.”

“Indeed.”

Dean helped Seth down the embankment and that black SUV looked very much like a sleigh tonight. At least to him.

For a moment Seth’ knees buckled as they reached the car, but Dean assured him gently that it would be okay. That he would be there to help him through this hard stretch of time. And for the first time in a long while Seth believed in those words again. Those words that betrayed him the first time.

**_Redesign_ **

**_Rebuild_ **

**_Reclaim_ **

 

* * *

 

Merry Christmas everyone.

 

 

 


	2. Christmas Hero

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 2016: Dean and Seth are back for their first Christmas together but a ghost from the past threatens to destroy everything.

„Come on, come on…“ Dean mumbled while dancing around yet another anxious set of dads who were near a panic attack while searching for that one perfect gift for their kids on Christmas Eve.

Christmas Eve for crying out loud. Hello? It’s not like Christmas comes so surprisingly every year, right? Yet there he was, among countless stressed out parents in the toy department of the local mall, looking for something special. So yeah, he was one of those idiots as well.

 

But the weeks before Christmas had been so hectic, he simply hadn’t found the time to come here. And what little time he had he chose to spend with his boyfriend instead. And because of said boyfriend he danced around all those other desperate human beings right now like a prize boxer. Swift feet, duck, a half turn and yes, he had finally made it to the action figures.

And there he was. Deadpool. The last one by the looks of it. Just one more step and he had him. Just one…Suddenly a big hand grabbed the toy figure just as he was about to extend his arm as well.

“Fuck you.”

The words escaped his mouth before he could stop himself. Before even turning to glare at this mean human being for grabbing **HIS** Deadpool figure.

And now as he did, his eyes narrow and full of hate, he wished he hadn’t.

Because what was the hate for not getting that figure compared to all the hurt and anguish that was flooding his body in that very moment.

“Hello to you, too.” The man replied, smiling gently, voice deep and even like warm silk.

“ _Roman_.”

The name escaped Dean’s mouth before he could stop himself.

“Dean. Nice to see you. I didn’t just grab the toy you wanted, right?”

The bastard had the nerve to look apologetic. And a little pity was there as well while he studied Dean’s face. Granted, he must have looked like a deer in headlights. Well, thank you fucking much, because it had been years since he had seen Roman. After their breakup and that fruitless attempt to end his life, Dean had asked Roman to come to one therapy session. His therapist had thought it would be a good idea to express all those feelings to Roman and to finalize the break up. It had taken Dean 2 years to get to that point after his suicide attempt. And now it had been 3 years since he had last seen the tall Samoan. And thank God he gave him this look. And thank God he had grabbed the toy that was meant for his fucking BOYFRIEND. So, no, screw the Bambi look. He would not back down now.

Before Roman could react, Dean grabbed Deadpool out of the others’ hands and held him close to his chest.

“That one is mine, thanks.” Dean replied and before his Ex could properly respond Dean turned on his heel and marched to the check-out.

He really thought he got away with his action and away with those shaking hands before Roman could notice but no, suddenly that bastard decided to pursuit him. But too late Mister. 5 years too late.

“Dean, you can’t just grab that figure. I had it first. It’s for my little boy.”

Dean stopped and turned around.

“Did you pay for it already? Do you want to fight me for it? Because I will. Because this figure is mine. I will not let you ruin my life again, and I will damn sure not let you ruin my first Christmas with my Seth! So, screw you. Go to hell.”

They had a crowd by now. Dean only just noticed because Roman was looking around uncomfortably.

“Your…Seth?” he asked in a quiet voice.

“Yes, my wonderful boyfriend. For once I put myself first Roman. Deadpool is mine, you can’t have him. Deal with it. And now if you will excuse me, I have somewhere to be.”

And with that Dean managed to swiftly pay for the figure and leave the store without looking back at Roman.

He reached his car and only when he didn’t manage to grab his key out of his jacket pocket because his hands were shaking so badly he allowed himself to take a deep breath and close his eyes. Only now he decided to peek behind that wall he had created inside of himself where he had put every single memory of Roman and himself. Every emotion. And every thought. And boy, there were heavy turbulences behind that thing. And they threatened to tear down that wall and to drown him yet again.

Just as he was about to give into those feelings his phone started to ring. Automatically he fished it out of his other pocket and was greeted by a beautiful smile with a tiny, little gap between the front teeth. With that wonderful mussed up hair, right after sex. With that face that radiated love so hard a blind could see it.

Seth. Seth was calling him. To pick him up. God damn.

“I am on my way baby.” Dean spoke into the phone as he climbed behind the wheel.

“Nah, how could I forget you. Just had to pick something up and people are crazy out here….Yes, even crazier than I am. See you in a bit.”

He hung up and put the phone away before starting the car. Only now he realized that he still clung to Deadpool like his life depended on it. Quickly he shoved the sassy superhero under his seat and left the parking lot.

Ten minutes later he reached the spot where Seth waited for him. He had had a therapy session today. His therapist suggested it after last years’ events and Dean thought it was a brilliant idea. Because as great as Seth did on normal days, the anniversary of the day you tried to kill yourself on could be a bit hard.

But as he drove up to his boyfriend right now and his smiling face, Dean knew that Seth was doing great.

His boyfriend boarded the car and greeted him with a wet kiss to his scruffy cheek.

“Hi baby. I missed you.”

There was that beautiful smile again and normally Dean would answer it with one of his lopsided grins. But after seeing Roman, while all those feelings were still pushing at the wall he couldn’t manage a smile. Only a lift of his mouth that could count as…something.

“Missed you, too.” He answered and drove off the curb.

Thankfully Seth didn’t notice that his boyfriend was bothered by something because he started to talk about his therapy session as soon as Dean drove off.

“It was a good idea to come here today. It really helped getting stuff off my chest before tonight and tomorrow. Dean, I am really looking forward to our first Christmas together.”

“It’s our second.” Dean replied while waiting at a red light.

Seth grinned.

“Nah. Last year we spend Christmas day in bed. You had no tree or decorations whatsoever. This year we have our own tree, we have a turkey in the oven. This is our first official Christmas together. I am looking forward to decorating the tree this afternoon.”

Seth’s hand landed on Dean’s right knee and he felt those brown eyes on him.

“I am excited to create some traditions of our own.” The little nerd wiggled his eyebrows suggestively as his hand moved up Dean’s leg, coming to rest right below his crotch. And normally that touch alone would make Dean half hard and 100% excited about the coming hours but not today. Not when his mind was somewhere else. Somewhere 5 years ago. Some Christmas Eve where his secret affair would sneak out of his house with a vague excuse that he had to get one last gift for the kids only to drive up to Dean’s tiny apartment at that time to give him the sweetest kind of rugburn on his knees when he drilled that dick of his into Dean’s ass, panting out “ _Merry…fucking….Christmas_ ” with each thrust.

 

"Are you ok, Dean?"

 

Only Seth's soft question brought Dean back to the here and now. Just in time as the traffic light turned green as well.

 

"Sure." Dean replied and got the car moving again, smiling strained and not looking at Seth but concentrating rather on the traffic ahead. Dean ignored the questioning look his boyfriend gave him successfully and when they reached their apartment, yes, they were living together for over 3 months now, he was sure that Seth had already forgotten about it all.

All through lunch Dean was glad that Seth kept the conversation going, telling him about the therapy session and about how his therapist agreed that it was vital for Seth to see his family tomorrow. Vital to make another huge step forward on his path to get better.

After Seth's suicide attempt last year his family had a hard time accepting that their son and brother had a serious depression and would require therapy. They just couldn't wrap their heads around mental health issues in their family. Because to them everything had seemed fine. Always.

It had been a hard pill to swallow that they just were to ignorant to notice the signs in Seth's downward spiral. But finally, after tears and shouting on both sides, they dealt with it together. And now Seth and Dean would visit them tomorrow to not only pretend to be a family but to be one for real with Seth and his boyfriend.

 

Later that day as Dean was sitting on the couch watching TV, trying to calm his racing thoughts, Seth produced one big carton out from the bedroom with several Christmas ornaments and lights in it.

"Should we start now?" Seth asked hopefully, smiling at Dean and nodding at their little tree near the window.

They had gotten the tree 4 days earlier, back when things had been _A-Okay_ between them. Back when Dean wasn't lost in a long gone past. They both had been excited about decorating it. But now? Dean looked at Seth and saw that hopeful smile and he would have liked to tell him no, but he simply couldn’t bring himself to turn down is boyfriend.

"Sure." he replied, cutting the conversation short on his side again.

Seth clapped his hands happily and started some Christmas songs on his mobile. He handed Dean the lights so the taller one could wrap them around the tree.

And Dean did just that but he couldn't have been more bored with the task so his mind decided to flood him with scenes from his past instead...

_After their hot Christmas sex Dean and Roman lay on the floor, both panting hard._

_"That was something else." Dean told Roman and looked at the other man with love in his eyes._

_"Well, merry Christmas baby." Roman told him smiling and leaned in for a long kiss. But all too soon the affection ended and Roman got up. For a second Dean was perplexed before he remembered that Roman wasn't his alone. He wasn't even his, period. He belonged to his wife and kid, and that what the two men shared was just borrowed time._

_"You have to leave already?" Dean asked, his voice small and sad. he watched the long-haired Samoan in the colorful light of his Christmas decorations. He had a sad excuse for a tree, the last one they had left today at the supermarket, and on a whim he had gotten the tree, picked up some lights and ornaments at Target and just this afternoon he had set it up, because he thought having sex by a tree on Christmas might be a good idea._

_And now the colorful little lights illuminated Roman's strong body in red, green, yellow and blue and he was breathtaking beautiful. But he wasn't his._

_"You know I only could find an excuse for an hour or so. I will make it up to you in the new year. My wife will visit her family soon baby. Then we have a whole weekend to ourselves."_

Dean had kept the tree up till Roman returned to him. It was mid-February by then and the tree looked pretty much dead at that point. Dead and sorry and pathetic.

And it flew out the window once Roman had left 30 minutes later, telling Dean that they had to end things because his wife was pregnant again, and he couldn't continue doing this.

After that, Christmas was dead to Dean for 5 years, until Seth stepped into his life.

And said dark-haired, kind-hearted man just looked at him now, with a tiny red ornament in his hand.

"Dean? Are you ok? Do you want to skip decorating the tree?"

The question made Dean angry for some reason. Seth was thoughtful. Of course he cared when his lover looked sad and absentminded. But Dean simply couldn’t handle the gentle affection right now. Seth didn't deserve what happened next but Dean was unable to hold his feelings back.

"Why do you always care? Why are you always bothering me? Nagging? Huh? Stop being such a worrywart. Fuck this I am out of here."

And with that Dean dropped the lights he was still holding and stormed out of the apartment.

He drove around town for the better part of an hour before he found himself near the skating rink. He parked and got out, wandering around for a while.

What the hell had just happened? What did he just tell Seth? Didn’t he enjoy the way Seth cared for him? More than any other lover ever did. More than Roman ever did. Dean had grown to love the little signs of affection from Seth over the past year. The text goodnight whenever they spend a night apart. The little note on his Twinkies saying _I love you_ , when Seth had to leave before him and knew that Dean’s breakfast of choice was a Twinkie. Telling Seth that he was wrong caring so much was just wrong. Stupid and uncalled for and simply wrong.

And all of this just because he had seen Roman today, and the encounter had brought back all those stupid feelings for the man. Dean had to accept that he wasn't done with the man. Not like he had thought he had been. But what had therapy taught him?

 

Dean got back to his car and steered it toward a quiet neighborhood right outside of town. He parked in front of a white house and got out. It was dark by now and the various Christmas lights around the house looked really pretty Dean supposed. Not that he cared for any of that.

He rang the doorbell and waited impatiently.

After what seemed like forever the door was opened and he came face to face with Roman for the second time today.

Roman smiled as he opened the door, then his smile faltered and surprise took over and only after the initial surprise vanished anger darkened his face.

Quickly the tall Samoan stepped outside and closed the door behind himself, eyes angry and narrow now.

"What are you doing here?" he greeted Dean in a low voice.

Never ever had Dean showed up here before. It had been forbidden to come here. Roman didn't want him anywhere near his family.

Dean laughed now humorlessly. Suddenly it all became quite clear to him. Roman had used him all those years and it was time to tell the bastard just that.

"You used me from day one. You promised me time and time again you would leave your family for me. Every time I started to doubt our relationship you told me what I wanted to hear and I was so in love with you that I didn't see through it. I was a puppet on a string in your hands, you could do with me what you liked, you took from me whatever you wanted. And I never ever questioned you. I put your needs over my own. And you know what? That is a dumb idea. It leads to nothing good. But it takes time to realize that. Took me till today to realize it. And it is something I need to tell Seth because he cares about me and his family more than about himself. That's why Deadpool is for him and that is why this is for you, asshole."

Dean flipped Roman off and turned around, power walking to his car without giving Roman a chance to reply.

 

And this time it was a lot easier to leave. All those memories were gone, and he could tear down the wall and finally create some new room for new memories. Memories with Seth. Like that soft eyed man deserved.

The streets were less crowded by now and Dean made it back to the apartment in good time all the while hoping that Seth was still there. Still there so he could accept his apology and hear his explanation.

Quickly Dean ran up the stairs and opened his front door already calling out for his boyfriend.

“Seth? Where are you?”

He found the other man in the living room. He looked up and Dean could see that his eyes were red rimmed from crying probably. Seth turned a little ornament around and around in his hands but he didn’t say anything to Dean. He just stared at him with that heartbroken look on his face.

 

Dean walked over to him and dropped on his knees before him. Softly he took the ornament out of Seth’s hands and placed it on the table. He grabbed the now free hands of his lover and looked up at him.

“I am so sorry Seth. I was in town today and I ran into Roman. We…he was about to grab a gift I wanted for you and he told me it’s practically HIS because it’s for his little boy. You know, he always told me that he and his family come first. He never really cared what I needed. And for the longest time I played along if I could just call him mine for a little while every other week or so. I put my needs aside. And that was so wrong. I took that gift and told Roman to go to hell…”

While Dean explained that Seth smiled shortly before he sniffed. Dean raised his right hands and brushed over Seth’s face, wiping some leftover tears away.

“So, I told him to go to hell, and then I walked off but the encounter brought all those memories back. Memories I thought I had banished a long time ago. And they overran me.  
The last time Roman and I spent together was Christmas. I guess that was a trigger as well. And then you were your perfect self, caring about me, picking up on my foul mood and I got so angry because that is what I always did with Roman. And I don’t want you to turn into me. I…”

Seth placed a finger on Dean’s lips, effectively stopping his monologue.

 

“You are not Roman. I know you care about me Dean. And I care for you, and nothing will change that, so be grumpy about it all you want. I understand better now that Christmas will always be a little trigger for the both of us as it is loaded with bad memories. But that’s why I am trying so damn hard to make this Christmas perfect for the both of us. So we can replace any shit from the past with happy memories.”

Seth sighed.

“Okay. Yeah. That makes sense. So…yeah…let’s put that tree up and let’s start to make some memories.” Dean agreed and raised a little to capture Seth’s lips. Just as he was about to steer his lover to lay down on the couch Seth raised his right hand to stop Dean.

“What?” Dean asked confused.

“About that gift you got me…I think as a way to make it all up to me you should give it to me earlier….like…now?”

And Seth launched his most effective weapon. His puppy dog look. And Dean had to give in.

“You sneaky little…” Dean laughed and got up.

He returned minutes later with the Deadpool figure.

“I wanted to wrap it myself but I guess it will have to do without any wrapping.”

Seth got up and jumped into Dean’s arms.

“You remembered? Oh Dean, thank you, this is perfect. And you fought Roman for it? If I remember correctly, you said he is like 7 feet tall and 350 pounds.”

Seth looked impressed.

“More like 6’3 and 260 but what does ‘Pool always do? Exaggerate a little? So yeah, sure he is 7 feet tall and a total monster. And I fought him for you baby. To give you Deadpool as a rimunder that it is a good thing to be a little selfish every once in a while. To think about yourself and your needs as well. Hope it was worth all the beating I received from that ex football player.” Dean smirked.

And that earned him a kiss so full of passion from Seth that his knees buckled a little.

Almost unwillingly Seth broke the kiss and looked up at Dean.

“My Christmas hero the second year in a row. I think that will become a theme for us.”

And Dean could live with that. He could live perfectly well with the fact that he was Seth’s hero on Christmas and every day.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another year gone by and I wanted to update you on Seth and Dean in this story.  
> I wish you all some calm and happy Christmas days with your loved ones!


End file.
